Making Myself Feel Better

I feel like this blog is going to become a place for me to just vent everything that's going wrong in my life, and I don't really want it to because there are so many good things that happen in my life. It just seems like it is easier to vent because then it gets it off my chest and I feel better. So, here's to making myself feel better!

Sometimes, I get so frustrated with my teaching program and my teachers. Today just happened to be one of those days. In my Teaching Reading and Language Arts class, we were talking about a particular assessment that we can use in the upper grades that will help us determine whether our students are on an independent, instructional or frustrational reading level. We practiced giving the assessment as well as scoring it to determine the child's level. When we came back for a discussion, we all had different interpretations and answers. That's not that bad, but as my teacher was talking about all of them, he kept telling us "what he put down." I don't really care what he put down; I want to know the correct way to do it. I feel like if everyone has differing opinions then the test isn't very valid. We all got different levels for the one child so it's not a good test! So, why are they teaching it to us? Why do I want to learn a bad way to assess my students? Anyway, that doesn't sound so bad when I write it, but my experience in the class today was making me very frustrated and disagreeable!

Then, I went to science, which is a class that I constantly have to tell myself to have a good attitude in. First of all, science is one of those "touchy subjects." It is one of those subjets that many people don't feel successful in and are sensitive about. I am definitely one of those people. I never thought I was good at science and I never liked it. I think that is because I had some bad science teachers that made me feel really stupid. This teacher is no different. There have been times (2 times actually, but they impacted me a great deal) when I asked a question or said a comment in class and my teacher looked at me like I was a complete idiot. She kind of furrows her brows and has a completely confused expression on her face as she talks about how that doesn't make any sense. I feel like it's her way of saying "I don't agree, I have a different opinion" but she does it and I feel about 2 inches tall. I never think that is the right way to handle any situation but when you are a science (or math, I should add) teacher, I feel like you need to be tons more sensitive because the subject matter is already touchy enough. It is people like her that make people like me hate science. And, I don't want to hate science. But, I especially don't want to feel like an idiot. That doesn't make me want to try any harder to understand the subject matter or ask any more questions. It turns me off completely!

Anyway, that's my ranting and raving for you! I do feel much better (except that I can't help but thinking that I have three more months of dealing with people like this...)

Life

I haven't written for awhile but that's because I don't have much to say. Nothing's changed! School is still school. Sometimes I get a little frustrated because this semester's classes are practically the same as last semester's. So, instead of feeling like I had a wonderful 2 week break and I'm starting a new semester and I am only 3 weeks in, I feel like I have had no break and I'm working on week 20! I don't know; it's a strange feeling. I just keep looking forward to March when it truly feels like my semester is over because I'll be teaching all day! YAY!

I just registered for the Praxis test and I'm taking it on March 14th. I have to pass if I am going to graduate and get a license so it's kind of a big deal, but I'm not worried about it too much. If I just study, I should be fine.

I've been feeling really torn lately. I really want to be a mom, but I also really want to be a teacher. I know that I can be both, but I feel like if I want to do my best at either one, then I would have to choose. For me, the choice is pretty obvious, but sometimes I just want to be that career woman who puts her life and soul into (for my case) her students and her teaching. I really want to be a teacher but I don't think I would be as committed, and therefore as good of a teacher if I was worrying about leaving my kids at home to be raised by someone else. Being a good mom is more important to me than being a good school teacher (because I am going to be teaching my kids, right?) but I still have a desire to be good at both and to know how to juggle millions of responsibilities with perfection.

Well, that's life, right?

Application!

I'm finished with my application! Done. Turned in. I feel pretty good about it. Last night, Derek helped me a lot with it. He and I went through my autobiographical sketch (which is apparently the biggest deal on the application seeing as 20+ people look at it...) and he helped me make some changes to it. I was really happy with it. Then, he helped me crop the picture I had to put on every single page of the application! It took us like two hours but I'm glad I did it because I think I turned in a pretty solid application. Now, all I have to do is wait a couple of months until I interview for a position! I'm super excited about it! Hopefully, I'll get an internship and all will be well!

4th Grade Class

Today, I got to go to the school that I am going to be working at for the month of March and meet all of the kids! It was so fun! Unfortunately, there was a sub there today so I didn't actually get to meet my cooperating teacher, but I got to meet the most important members of the class so I wasn't too bummed! We got to go so that we could fulfill an assignment and gather a whole bunch of contextual factors about the school, the class and the students but I just liked being in an elementary school again. It really feels like home! Which is why I think that it is really cruel for them to let us come to a class, meet all of the kids and then snatch it away, making us come back to school for a whole month and a half until we can go see them again! Well, there's my vent!

As for gratitude, I am still grateful for the same things as yesterday! Another addition would be children! I love how simple and kind they are and how they love to learn! I think we all need to be a little more like that! I'm also grateful for dentists (even though I hate going to them) because they make pain in my mouth go away (even if they give you additional pain to get there!). I'm also grateful for hot chocolate and soup! They make me so warm inside!

Gratitude Journal

For one of my classes (strangely enough, Health Education...), I have to keep a gratitude journal for a week. I'm not so sure why it is required for this class, or any class at all for that matter. Nonetheless, I think it is a really good opportunity to write down the things that I am grateful for! Here goes (not in any particular order):
1. Derek: he is a constant joy in my life and I always seem to be so happy when I am around him!
2. Family: I love spending time with my brothers sisters-in-law and my niece and nephew. They are so fun to be around and they always make me laugh!
3. Friends: I love good loyal friends. They bring a needed aspect to my life and they always make me happy!
4. God: I am grateful for the earth he has created for me to live, the talents he has blessed me with and the people he has surrounded me with!
5. American Idol: It's starting tonight, so I just thought I'd throw that in there!

Practicum Assignment

I got my practicum assignment today, and I will be in a 4th grade classroom at Bonneville Elementary school. So, in case you don't know what the practicum is, I'll tell you.

Last semester and this semester are called my "cohort" semesters. That just means that I am with the same people for every class both semesters and we are all assigned to work in schools in the same district. Last semester, during November, and this semester during March, I am in the schools, all day every day! All of my classes get canceled at BYU and all I get to do is teach! Last semester we worked in lower grades and I was in a first grade classroom. As much as I loved my experience, I am much more excited for 4th graders! I like the older grades better and even though I don't have as much experience with them, I think that I am better at teaching them than younger students.

I am just really excited to apply what I know. Sometimes, I feel like school is (for the most part) a waste of time. I feel like the real learning comes from the experience! That's why I'm glad that I get two months out of the year to be in the schools all day, but I still wish for more! I'm just really excited, that's all! March is going to be a fun month for me!

T.V.

Derek and I bought a new LCD t.v. and blueray when we got home from Canada, but we just got it to our house on Friday. It is pretty cool and Derek is extremely excited! I like it, but it is HUGE!!! Here's the story:

At the beginning of December, Derek and I went to his Christmas work party and he won a Bose Sound Dock. Derek wanted to keep it (I mean, why wouldn't he?) but I knew that he wanted to get a T.V. so I suggested that he sell it and put it towards money to buy a T.V. At this point, we had already talked about buying one and since they were so expensive, I asked if it was alright that he put a little money aside from all of his paychecks to kind of "save-up" for it. He had agreed so when I told him about selling the sound dock, he was thrilled because then he wouldn't have to save up for so long. Turns out that those sound docks are like $300 and he was able to sell it to one of his friends at work.

Then, we went to Canada for Christmas! There, we got money from Santa in a large sum! So, I told Derek that we could put that money towards a T.V. if he wanted to. Again, he was thrilled! We get home from Canada and pick up our mail. We got a Christmas card from Derek's aunt and uncle but it also had a check for a large sum of money. We read the card and apparently, they forgot to send us our wedding present 18 MONTHS AGO!!! It had been sitting on their desk for the last year and a half. We have about $1000 dollars at this point, all of which was given to us in one form or another. Holy Cow! Derek didn't have to talk me into it long and we went, literally the day we got home from Canada, and bought a T.V.

It's a Sony 42" 1080p LCD T.V. Impressed? I know all about this T.V. because I wasn't about to buy it without having some knowledge on the subject so we spent about 2 hours in Best Buy while I figured it all out with all of the sales people! The story's not over yet! When we get to Best Buy, we find out that the 42" is actually less money than the 37" or the 40" because it happens to be on sale, even though the other T.V.'s of smaller sizes were the exact same T.V. So, again, I was talked into buying that one. But, not only was it on sale, there was also an offer that said we could get $100 off of a Sony blueray. We were sold! We bought the T.V. and blueray and they told us we had to wait a week for it to be shipped from their warehouse. Derek was a little bummed but we did it anyway. On Friday, he went to pick up the items and low and behold, they didn't have any of the bluerays that we ordered at the warehouse so they gave us the more expensive one at no extra charge. Ultimitely, we got a $400 blueray for $200! Derek was stoked.

We set it up in our tiny little apartment and it looks ginormous! It's huge! It looked a lot smaller at Best Buy but that's okay. Derek is so excited and we saved a lot of money doing it that way so I guess I can't complain.

Well, that is my long-winded version of why we have such a humungous T.V. sitting in our living room!

Internship

So, I started my application for my internship and it won't be that bad. I will have plenty of time to finish it and polish it before it's due next Thursday. As I have been working on it though, I have realized how terrified I am to teach in 7 months. I don't think that there is anything I can do to prepare well enough for my first year of teaching and for someone like me, that is incredibly frightening. I think that I will be okay teaching, but it is weird things that scare me. It's the first day of school: what do I do with them? How do I teach them all of the routines and procedures that will be expected of them without boring them half to death? How do I make that first day fun so they want to come back but still be in control so they don't think that they can walk all over me the whole year? And planning, that's a big issue: How do I plan a whole day, week, month and year? How do I plan well enough that everything builds on previous lessons?

I think that the main thing that I'm struggling with, however, is that I don't feel like I can be the teacher that all of my professors talk about. Those teachers sound so amazing and I'm not there yet! I know that no one expects me to be this first year, but being the perfectionist that I am, I really want to be!

To be honest, I really think that the wait is more frustrating and makes me more anxious than anything else. I'm sure once I'm doing it, it will all become more natural and I won't have to worry about all those small things. I just have to wait until then to see if I'm right!

I Started A Blog

I took this technology class at BYU last semester and one of the assignments was that we had to create a blog. We posted our thoughts about the projects that we were doing and such. I liked writing on my blog but decided that it probably wouldn't be that fun for someone to read my thoughts on technology projects. So, I started a new one!

I'm not even sure that I'm brave enough to tell people about it so for now, I may be the only one reading it! Oh well, I guess it will give me something to do!

Winter classes started on Monday. They are almost exactly the same as my classes from last semester...yeah, a little boring. I have another Reading and Language class, another math class, another management-like class and then a Social Studies, Science and Health class. None of them have seemed to jump out at me like it's the best class ever, but we'll see. One thing I can say is that it is day three of this semester and they already have us freaking out about all of the stuff we have to do this semester: apply for an internship (due next Thursday...), register and take the Praxis test (allows me to get my teaching license), interview for an internship, teach 4th, 5th or 6th graders for a month, and then all of the other, "normal" stuff that they want us to do like read and write billions of papers. I'm a little stressed, not going to lie. But, it will probably end up not being that big of a deal when it's all over, just like it usually does!