In a month and a half, our sweet little girl will be born. I cannot believe how long the 9 months has felt nor how fast it has seemed to go. But words cannot express how grateful I feel that she has entered our lives.
I think back to a year ago, to two years ago and the pain and heartache I felt as Derek and I were in the midst of our infertility battle. It was so difficult to keep such pain inside and I thanked God every day that I had Derek to help me through. To listen to me, to hold me when I cried, and to cry right along side me. He helped me through it all.
I remember especially, a year ago today, I was in Hawaii and wanted so badly to feel grateful for the things that I had. The fact that I was even there, in a tropical paradise should have been enough to feel grateful for. But, that Thanksgiving day, we found out that the previous month of trying to become pregnant, just like all the months before, had failed, and I felt a bit hopeless. I told Derek that I would fake being thankful that day, because I just couldn't bring myself to be thankful for anything when all I wanted was to be a mom.
Now, a year later, my gratitude is overflowing. I didn't know I could feel such love and gratitude towards God for sending such a precious miracle into our lives. I feel grateful for our struggles to get pregnant. More grateful than I think even I remember sometimes. There is opposition in all things. For all the pain and heartache, for all the tears that I shed, my gratitude for our precious gift is ten times greater. I wouldn't have known such joy if I hadn't experienced such sorrow. I'm grateful for my experience because every time I feel her kick inside me, I smile, knowing that I have been given the most precious of all gifts. Not only were we given our daughter, but we were given the memory of how hard it was and therefore how truly wonderful she is.
I can't wait to meet our little girl. I know that I won't be the perfect parent; in fact, I know that I will most likely make all of the mistakes I told myself I wouldn't make, and then some. But I do know that our daughter will be loved with all the love in my heart. She will always know that her parents love her, that they prayed for her, that they cried for her, and that they thank God every day of their lives that she entered theirs.
She is our Miracle Baby!
We love you Samantha!