Enough

The sweetest thing just happened.  I ran upstairs because I heard Sam crying.  Her light was still off so I knew before entering that she had indeed fallen asleep when I put her to bed.  When I opened the door, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed with tears running down her face.  Upon seeing me, she immediately stopped crying.  I asked her what was wrong as I was walking towards her and the only thing she did was lie back down on her pillow with a big yawn.  I started rubbing her back as her eyes began to droop.  She was back asleep and snoring within minutes.  As I sat there looking at my little 2 year old, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly blessed.  I just
stared at my beautiful girl and knew my life, in this moment, was perfect.  She drives me nuts most days, tests my patience every day, and yet, as I looked at her, I knew how blessed of a life I was living.

As I looked at her, I began thinking about myself as a mother. I began thinking about all the things that I wish I did better because my sweet little Samantha deserves the best.  I thought about regrets.  I thought about what I could do to be all that I could for her.  And then I stopped.  I looked at her and I stopped thinking those things.  I'm not perfect.  I know that.  You know that.  We all know that.  But, I'm enough.  I looked at her and I thought about the fact that all she needed when she woke up upset was to see me.  She saw me and was comforted immediately.  She laid back down and fell asleep immediately, knowing that I was there to watch her and comfort her.  I was enough.  And I am enough.

I think as moms, we are the worst at this.  We constantly think about how imperfect we are, and what we can do to become more perfect as mothers.  We want the best for our kids, right?  So we want to be the best for our kids.  But we need to stop that.  Of course it's okay to strive to be better each day; I'm not saying that.  But, we need to stop giving ourselves such a hard time.  We are enough for our kids.  We are what they need.  We are doing our best and we need to stop beating ourselves up for the things we do wrong.

I love my kids.  I love them more than anything.  They know that.  And that's enough!