Les Miserable

Les Miserable was my dad's favorite play.  I knew that from the time I was small.  I have strong memories of my mom playing the piano while my dad belted "I Dreamed a Dream" in our living room.  My dad had a beautiful voice.  Something I like to think he passed down to me.  I sang "Castle on a Cloud" in a 7th grade choir trio for my entire middle school.  When I had a singing coach in high school, I asked to sing "Dreamed a Dream" but he wouldn't let me because he thought I didn't quite understand the lyrics and it was too adult for me.  Maybe he was right.

I've grown up on Les Mis.  Even if I never actually saw the performance until it came out in theaters.  It was a part of me and my childhood. Once I did see it, I understood completely why it was my dad's favorite play.  My dad was no Jean Valjean, but he also didn't have the easiest of lives, like most of us.  He related to the play, just like I think all of us can.

On Friday I went to the actual play for the very first time.  Live actors, live music, incredible atmosphere.  Every time I felt a bit emotional (so pretty much the entire 3 hours), I grabbed Derek's hand to my left.  But at the same time, I imagined my dad, smiling, with tears in his eyes sitting next to me holding my right hand.

I haven't felt that close to my dad my whole life.  When he was alive or since he's been gone.  It felt incredible.

It may surprise some to hear, but I don't think of my dad very often.  He's been gone 16 years.  That's a lot of time.  Almost an entire childhood and all of my adulthood up to this point.  When I used to think of him, I'd feel a lot of anger at the choices he made at the end of his life.  Choices that made him leave me and my family.  I didn't want to think of that and feel angry.  But as I've grown older, I look at the things that my dad faced and I honestly can't say I wouldn't have made the same choices.  He faced a lot of things that I would never want anyone to face, at a time that wasn't very accepting of those struggles.  When I think of him now, I feel a lot of compassion towards him.  I never used to feel like I wanted my dad here because at the end of his life he wasn't a good person to be around, but it is times like this that I wish he were here so I could tell him that I get it.  As much as I can for not having dealt with the same things.  I get it and I forgive him.

I think that is what everyone can learn from such a powerful musical as Les Miserable.  Forgiveness and Mercy.  It isn't our place to judge.  Just forgive and show mercy.  I think that was all my dad wanted when he was alive.  Forgiveness and mercy.  And, even though he's not alive to hear me say it to his face, I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel about him now.

So, go see Les Miserable.  If you've seen it already, watch it again.  If it doesn't make you strive to be a better person, then I'm not sure what to tell you.  Because it has influenced my life almost completely.